Nihilism vs. Individuality
Like any other person my age, I’m having some inner-conflict. And, like any other person my age, I feel no one quite grasps my sense of the world, my thoughts. There’s no reason for me to hold myself above others, but that’s the tendency. No matter the subject, I feel that I percieve any issue or though on some sort of unique plane that no one else can see, but they can get a glimpse of it. As you can imagine, hardly a productive way to go about solving problems. The solution to that is to consult numerous people, as they, too, have their own planes, their own glimpses.
This arrogant individualism on my part is strange; it goes against my beliefs. Specifically, the belief that consciousness and individualism is an illusion, something the human race evolved with in order to survive. The brain sends electric messages to create neuro-pathways that we can process. Just a bunch of chemicals mixing together. Human thinking is no different from any other chemical reaction, but we perceive it that way.
We’re told that the human mind is unrivaled by any computer, that it is the splendor of the modern world. This is only so because we say it is. We’re full of ourselves. Who is to say a thunderstorm is inferior to our logic? The process of atoms interacting in such a way to produce wind, water, lightning and immense sound seems infinitely more complex than smashing flint against rock to start a fire.
With my beliefs explained, I feel humbled again. I’m comfortable here, drenched in nihilism. It really puts everything into perspective.
These complex thoughts, and sinking into nihilism, is this a strength or a weakness? Surely I’m intelligent enough to grasp facts and manipulate them to find this view, and humble enough to accept that I, like everyone else, am a germ. Yet settling into this nothing-matters-I’m-insignificant mood can be seen as a flaw. It definitely puts otherwise serious issues into perspective and makes them more manageable, but hardly solves them. “The universe itself doesn’t care, so why should I?”. It’s unhealthy in a way.
And to think, all of these concepts stemming out of girl troubles. Life is funny.
